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Most good writers can craft good dialogue, but only a handful of them are famous for doing so. One of the few famous for it in the sword and sorcery school is Fritz Leiber. If C.J. Burch keeps at it my guess is he'll be famous for it as well. Not only is this a cracking good adventure yarn, his characters Aduux and Koeur leap to life through their interchanges from the first pages of this tale, revealing complex internal worlds. While adventuring duos I see in fantasy fiction are more often than not pale ghosts of the mighty Fafhrd and Gray Mouser, Burch's creations are warm, unique, and vital. I think, like me, you'll want to see more of them. --Howard Andrew Jones Two Fools Make A Tragedy The sun settled behind the Ashketh Mountains, throwing their jagged shadows across the desert. Aduux felt the evening breeze on his face as he stared out the window at the sand stretching towards the horizon. For a moment, it seemed a great, brown ocean looking for a shore to crash upon. “How long has it been since I saw the ocean?” He thought aloud. The woman that sat at his elbow nudged him and returned his attention to the tavern. “Here is Makdan.” Aduux turned. Before him was a tavern called the Rampart filled with all manner of men. They were served by winsome girls the local Priests called trollops. A portly man with a greasy beard and beady eyes stood near their table. His forehead beaded with perspiration. He puffed noticeably. “Makdan.” The woman at Aduux’s side greeted him. “You are out of breath.” She did not offer Makdan a chair. He took one all the same. “Dearest and most lovely Kouer.” He smiled at her nervously. “I have covered half the damnable city searching for the two of you.” “Us or me?” Kouer had known Makdan longer than she had known Aduux. Makdan had sought her out often, each time asking one of two things. The first was money. The second was something men considered more pleasant still. On occasion she had allowed him the former, never the latter. “I need something from you,” Makdan explained urgently, “a favor.” A cold wind blew through the open window and across Aduux. Kouer gathered her cloak about her shoulders. “No.” Makdan stared upon her as if she had struck him. “You have not heard my request.” Kouer gave Makdan a brilliant smile, and softened her refusal. “Makdan, you are not a cruel man. But you are not my man, and you never shall be.” She had not softened the blow enough. Makdan was crushed. “I am not cruel--that is my best quality? Roaches are not cruel.” Aduux laughed gently. There was a certain irony in Makdan’s reply. He was like a roach, slinking into and out of the darkest places, surviving upon the crumbs he stole. Kouer sighed. “Makdan that is not faint praise. A man who is not cruel might one day be a good man, with a little effort.” Makdan hadn’t expected that. He frowned. “A good man, what is a good man like, Kouer?” Kouer silently reviewed the men she had known. “One day I shall meet one, Makdan. Then I will tell you.” Makdan pointed at Aduux. “And this one is not good?” Aduux mocked outrage. “That is a matter of the most personal intimacy, Makdan.” Kouer nudged Aduux with her elbow. “He is still a work in progress.” Makdan nodded. “Until he is trained to your satisfaction there is something you can do for me.” Kouer grimaced. Makdan talked faster. “Hear me out, it will not cost you money or anything else, for that matter, and at the close of our business I might be in a position to pay you.” That certainly didn’t sound like Makdan, Kouer arched her eyebrows. “I’m waiting.” Makdan peered about the tavern as if he was looking for someone. Kouer laughed. “Makdan what are you doing?” “I might be watched.” Aduux couldn’t imagine why. Makdan’s schemes were the type of things that got a man laughed at, not killed. “Any one looking for you isn’t worth watching for, Makdan. Tell us what you want.” Makdan finished searching the tavern and turned towards them. “I want you to hold something for me. Not for long, only for a few days. I will return with a partner. After that I will have a little money, I think.” Kouer seemed dubious. "Makdan who will partner with you?” “I will find some one on the caravan routes in the desert.” That made more sense. “Ah,” Aduux said, “Makdan will find someone who does not know him.” “Wise choice,” Kouer agreed. “Now, why do you ask us to hold something for you?” “If you tell me you will keep it. I know it will be kept,” Makdan replied. Aduux smiled at that. “Makdan believes me to be one of those good men you spoke of, Kouer.” Kouer raised an eyebrow. “You are not a saint, but you will keep your word. That is a start.” Makdan grinned. “Such praise.” For Kouer it was. Aduux scratched at his beard. “Have you money Makdan? Could you leave even a small deposit with us?” “I am afraid my fortunes have been poor,” Makdan stammered, “but when I return there will be money for all.” Aduux was not impressed. “Makdan would anyone else take this thing without a deposit?” Makdan shrugged morosely. “Then why should we?” Makdan toyed with a string of lies, silently dismissing each in its turn. Finally, he arrived at something approaching the truth. “Because I have no money.” Kouer sighed. Makdan had knocked about the streets of Azur Kish as long as she could remember. He knew the necessity of a deposit in these instances. If he would not pay one, he truly had no money. If he had no money…”Have you eaten Makdan?” Makdan grinned. “Now that you mention it.” “Of course.” Aduux motioned to a serving girl. She nodded at him. He called to her as she turned away. “Bring only food, no drink.” Makdan frowned. “There is no reason to be inhospitable.” “Yes, I am inhospitable, that is it.” Aduux nodded. “Let me see what we shall be safeguarding, and tell me where you have stolen it.” “I shall begin with the second question. There is an old saying in this land. ‘What you do not know will not stick hot irons in your eyes and eviscerate you with a blunted darning needle.’ ” That said, Makdan reached into his robes. When he pulled his hand free he held an amulet, a dull, lifeless, dingy and worn amulet. Kouer leaned near Aduux’s ear. “Made of the finest pewter, that is.” Aduux did not bother to reach for the amulet. “Makdan, I suspect you could toss that into the street at the beginning of your journey and sleep secure in the knowledge it would still be there when you returned.” Makdan’s puffy features hardened. “You are so droll. Will you take it or not?” Aduux shrugged. Anyone who sought Makdan’s treasure would not be dangerous…stupid perhaps, but not dangerous. “As you wish. You will find it here when you return.” A thought occurred to Kouer that made her frown. “Surely your partner will not be purchasing a piece of that amulet.” “When Makdan’s partner sees it he will change his mind,” Aduux replied. “If he doesn’t he should be carefully looked after by relatives more responsible than he.” Makdan shook his head. “You are wrong, Aduux,” he said, “I did not steal this bauble. I bought it from a man here in Azur Kish. Where he acquired it I did not ask, but last night he died most horribly. I cannot help but think that amulet and his painful demise are connected. You would do well to be very careful while it is in your care.” Aduux, when he had been a young officer in the Imperial foot, had fancied himself an eloquent man. Not so much any more. Still, the invitation Makdan had lain before him was just too tempting. He prepared a withering fusillade of contempt especially designed for Makdan’s edification. It was not delivered. Kouer threw herself upon Aduux and rode him to the floor before he could reply. As he fell he saw, through the window, an odd sight. It was a flock of something, something that was not birds. They were large, unnatural-looking and unwieldy, and rather than glide upon the mountain winds they flapped awkward wings. He sunk beneath the edged of the window just as they turned for the tavern and gathered speed. “Makdan.” He heard himself gasp when he hit the floor. “What have you done?” The bird-things tore through the window at full speed and slammed into Makdan without pause. Makdan, when he had seen them, had pushed himself to his feet and tried to scream. The scream died when the first creature him like a crossbow bolt and drove him backwards. Then its big, razor-studded maw clamped upon his chest. Makdan gasped and tried to turn. Another creature, hideous at the last, latched onto his shoulder. After that there was another, and still another, until all of them chomped at him with huge, bloody teeth. Makdan took a faltering step and collapsed to the floor. One of the creatures crawled up his back and snapped at the back of his neck. He spurted more blood and gurgled. Finally, he lay still. The bird things continued to feed. The tavern went beserk. While men howled and serving girls screamed, Aduux stared at the bloody mess that had been a living, breathing Makdan. Kouer rolled off him in one smooth motion, pulled her cloak from about her shoulders and tossed it over Makdan’s body and the creatures that fed upon him. The fang things squealed angrily. Two slid from beneath Kouer’s cloak and took to the air. The rest tangled in the cloak’s folds and fluttered. Kouer pulled a throwing dagger from her belt and slung it into one of the creatures that had freed it self. It hissed and tumbled on the floor planks. The second banked suddenly and dove for her. It didn’t reach her. Aduux, who had shaken himself to his senses and crawled to his feet, latched a hand into the thing's wings and drove it into the wall. Makdan’s blood spurted from it when hit, and its bones shattered. Aduux released it and it slid to the floor. When he turned back to Kouer he found her stomping at the creatures trapped beneath the cloak. Aduux pulled his short sword from its scabbard and drove its pommel into the creatures that writhed beneath the cloak until they stopped moving.. By the time he had finished, Kouer was kneeling over Makdan. She held his hand gently, and her dark eyes glistened. “Rest easy,” she whispered uselessly, “rest easy, Makdan.” A fading spark deep in Makdan forced him to open his eyes. He looked at her, and almost laughed. “I was going to be rich,” he whispered, “I was going to be rich.” Kouer released Makdan’s hand when his eyes turned glassy. She reached for the amulet. Aduux turned back to the creatures he had slain. They were bird-like but covered by scaly skin rather than feathers. They possessed no head, and no eyes. A huge mouth covered most of their bodies. They were ravenous teeth mounted upon wings, nothing more. That of course meant one thing. Aduux sighed. “Makdan angered a wizard.” Kouer held the bloody amulet. “Over this.” Aduux turned to the amulet. The tavern was bedlam about them, those who could, had fled. More had tripped over themselves running and lay piled near the door. The rest hid beneath their tables. “Perhaps,” he said, “It would be better to leave this be. A wizard seeks it, a powerful one at that.” Kouer’s eyes, which had been soft, turned hard as stone. “I think not.” Aduux’s shoulders slumped. He suspected that Kouer had found a cause. “I liked Makdan.” He marshaled his best argument. “But even I will admit he probably stole the amulet.” Kouer nodded towards Makdan’s body. Huge, grim wounds covered it. “Does that mean he deserved that?” “For good or for ill few people get what they deserve in this world,” Aduux replied, knowing it would not matter. Kouer’s eyes narrowed. “In my world they do.” There was but one broad avenue in Azur Kish. It had been carved through the mountain valleys nearly an eon past and lined with the temples of the gods. The rest of the town was a series of interconnected alley ways so narrow that two men often could not pass through them shoulder to shoulder. In days past there had been some talk of widening the streets, but that had been long ago. Now, the Emperors were not so strong. Moreover, they were far away. The men who truly ran Azur Kish today cared little for the temples and their workings. The Gods were welcome to the city’s best addresses, so long as they minded their own business. For what mattered in Azur Kish was not worship, nor was it the blessing of those who served the deities. Azur Kish was a trading town, and it traded things best hidden from the light of day. Apparently Makdan’s amulet was one of those things. After they left the tavern Aduux and Kouer found an alley more secluded than the rest. They stood in a sliver of tired and fading sunlight near an apothecary’s. Kouer studied the amulet carefully. The people who passed them were suspicious, as most in Azur Kish tended to be, but none of them paid more attention than was their due. Save for one, a small man who leaned in a corner three alley ways removed. He watched them closer than Aduux cared for. When Kouer finished with the amulet she took a beep breath. She was a tall woman, though not quite so tall as Aduux. She wore a light shirt, a leather vest that laced across her breast, and a pair of pants made from the hide of a deer. An assassin’s cord hung about her left wrist and a series of razor sharp throwing daggers hung in her belt. A single sturdy dagger, made to slip between the rings of chainmail, hung on her hip. Aduux had offered her his cloak to make up for the one she had lost. She had refused it. “It is a map,” she said. “A map?” Aduux stood six feet tall, and though he was not big, he moved with the practiced ease of a man who had faced dangerous times in terrible places. He wore a pair of breeches and a loose fitting shirt beneath his cloak. The short sword he had carried in the Emperors’ service hung at his right hip and a throwing axe at his left. His hair, once brown, had begun to gray. His beard was thick, if not long, and his eyes blue. “A map to what?” “You cannot guess?” Kouer handed him the amulet. Aduux grimaced. “Kazak’s gold.” “One and the same.” Kouer laid a finger on the amulet’s markings. “Around the edges is the key. It is a written in a language more often seen in my land.” Kouer had been born in a desert kingdom. A hard scrabble youth had culminated in her sale to a minor potentate of some sort. He had trained her to be an assassin. She had slit his throat for his trouble. Aduux slept lightly and worked very hard to make her happy. Her finger moved to the center of the amulet where a series of faint etchings lay. “This is the map itself. There are more markings here. I cannot read them.” Neither could Aduux, but he could recognize them. He had seen such years ago when he guarded an envoy sent to the Imperial court. “The language is from the farthest reaches of the world, beyond even your home. What it says I cannot fathom. This much is clear, though, this amulet has spent time on the other side of the deserts.” That made sense. It had probably traveled half way across the world and back, being sold to one gullible treasure seeker after another. Kouer pursed her lips. “And now it has returned here and slain Makdan.” A completely ludicrous thought occurred to Aduux. “Could someone think it authentic?” Kouer laughed grimly. “Fools have searched the Ashkeths for Kazak’s treasure for a hundred years. The only gold that is here is the gold they left behind.” Of course all who lived in Azur Kish knew this, but… “The wizard that killed Makdan is not from here.” The realization came to Aduux all at once. “No, if he were he would know this amulet is trash to be ignored.” Aduux had long appreciated Kouer’s active intellect, though not so much as the rest of her. “But he did not. That makes the search much easier. The man who slew Makdan was a wizard, and a wizard new to the city.” “And he was a bloody fool as well.” Aduux discreetly studied the man who watched them. “A man can be a complete simpleton and wise all at the same time.” Kouer replied. That was true enough. Aduux had met men that were both. “If our wizard is new to Azur Kish he will be unable to navigate her streets.” That wasn’t uncommon knowledge. People who had lived in the Kish all their lives still sometimes lost themselves in unfamiliar parts of town. That realization led to one simple conclusion. Kouer narrowed her eyes. “This wizard hired a local to find Makdan.” Aduux chuckled. “What a happy coincidence. We are being watched.” Kouer peered over Aduux’s shoulder towards the figure that studied them. “So we are. Do you think you could entertain him by your self?” “Easily.” Aduux strode deeper into the alley so that he was out of the spy’s view. Kouer followed him a few steps. Then she pulled herself up the wall of a building that over hung the alley, and scrambled onto its roof. Aduux watched her go. She was a strange one Kouer was, part cat and part courtesan…a mixture of grace, strength and goose down that he could not understand, control or let go. He turned back towards the mouth of the alley and wondered what he would do with himself if Kouer grew tired of him or worse, grew careless and unlucky. The thought frightened him. Fortunately, the man who had followed them appeared at the alley’s opening and pulled his mind away from Kouer. Aduux crossed his arms, leaned a shoulder against the alley’s wall and watched him. The spy stepped about the corner, saw Aduux and hesitated. His head swung from side to side. He looked for Kouer. When he realized she was nowhere to be found he turned about on his heel to flee. He was too late. Kouer dropped to the street behind him. When he turned she kicked him to the ground. He rolled flat on his back and reached for a dagger. She drove her heel into his wrist and slammed it against the cobblestones. His wrist cracked. He wailed. When Aduux reached him he was lying on his side whimpering. Aduux let him lie where he had fallen. “You knew there were risks when you decided to follow us. Why whine now?” His was a wiry man with a ruddy complexion. He wore a heavy cloak over thread bare clothes. Nothing distinguished him from any other native of Azur Kish. “She broke my arm.” He pointed at Kouer. Kouer smiled as if that were a great compliment. “And on my first attempt as well.” Aduux knelt near the spy. “You haven’t done this often.” He looked surprised. “I have worked before.” Aduux had seen the type. Most were beggars. They acted as informants for local criminals. None of them were known for their skill. They were, however, known to be cheap. Aduux shook his head. “All who build are not carpenters. Perhaps you have worked. You have not worked well.” The spy’s eyes narrowed. He was offended. Aduux did not care. “You were in the Rampart. You saw what befell Makdan.” The spy grimaced. “I was not there.” A lie, otherwise there would have been no grimace. Aduux sighed. “Perhaps we should review.” “Review?” the spy frowned. “Take another look at the facts.” Aduux explained. The spy nearly smiled. “Could we step into a tavern? It would be warmer.” Kouer kicked him. Aduux grinned. “You’re asking the wrong person. Like most men, I spend the bulk of my time anticipating my woman’s whims and futilely attempting to fulfill them. If she doesn’t want to go inside, we won’t go inside.” Kouer looked as though she would kick Aduux. Aduux’s grin widened. “Never mind, we’ll finish this here. The facts, so far as I can tell, are these. Someone hired you to follow Makdan. You did. Somehow you reported Makdan’s location to the person who hired you, much ugliness ensued. Now you are following me. I am not reassured.” “No, no, no,” the spy shook his head. Kouer kicked him once more. Aduux nodded at Kouer. She produced the amulet they had taken from Makdan. “I can only assume your interest in Makdan has something to do with that.” The spy said nothing, but his eyes widened. Aduux watched him like a hunter watching a deer. “Now, one of two things is going to happen in a moment. One, you’re going to tell us who you are working for and go about your business. Or two, you are not going to tell us who you’re working for, in which case we will break your leg as we have your wrist.” The spy bared his teeth. “I will not say.” Aduux shrugged. “Your choice, of course, but consider this, after your leg is broken your employer will come looking for you. When he finds you, you will be forced to explain that you do not have the amulet, and you have no idea where the people who took it have disappeared to.” The spy considered what had happened to Makdan. Aduux nodded sadly. “At least if you tell us who you work for you will have a head start out of the city and two good legs to run on. If you don’t…” The spy understood all the implications of what Aduux had said. “He did not tell me his name. I did not ask.” “He did at least pay you part of your fee didn’t he?” Kouer suddenly asked. The spy shrugged. “I have debts.” Aduux looked at Kouer knowingly. “He has been paid. The money is gone.” Kouer’s shoulders slumped. It was not so much fun to abuse a criminal as pathetic as this. “Perhaps you should have referred him directly to your creditors.” “What?” The spy did not understand. Aduux didn’t bother to explain. “Where did you meet him, and where were you to deliver the amulet.” That, the spy understood. “He wanted to come with me but he couldn’t keep up. He doesn’t know the city. He is weak. Makdan moved fast. I left him near Kalerius’ head. He said he would make his way to the Wizard’s quarter. I told him of the Cauldron. He conjured his creatures. They shadowed me through the town.” Aduux understood. Kalerius’ head had been a gigantic statue once. An earth quake had reduced its body to rubble long ago. Some Emperor had cleared away the debris and mounted what was left, an enormous and battered head, on an pedestal. The Cauldron was a tavern. It was frequented by those who thought themselves adept in the arcane. Occasionally, a bona fide wizard passed through it. “The Cauldron is not far from the head," Koer said. "Even an old man would be there by now.” Aduux looked at Kouer and raised his eyebrows. Kouer nodded solemnly. Aduux dug into his cloak. “Once a day I do something I know I’m going to regret. Not because it is my habit, but because I am stupid. Today, I have done two regrettable things. The first was to meet with Makdan. The second is this.” He pulled a coin from his cloak and tossed it to the spy. “That is enough for a healer. When he is finished with you find some place to hide. If we are lucky, by morning, you will not have a wizard to fear.” The spy frowned at that. “If I am lucky.” “No.” Aduux stood slowly. “If we are lucky.” He looked upon Kouer once more and hoped she would reconsider. Kouer’s gaze was steady and cold. “I haven’t been to the Cauldron in ages.” They stood on a dark street in the oldest part of town, the part that a long dead emperor had set aside for magicians. Up a narrow street to their left a cackling gargoyle invited passersby into his master’s home for a palm reading. A few paces away, a creature that was part lizard, part midget and completely ugly sang old ballads in a wheezing voice. A rail thin man dressed in dirty robes sat a pace behind him. The man dozed noisily and held a leash that wrapped about the lizard thing’s neck. Aduux hunched his shoulders and grimaced uncomfortably. Kouer smiled at him. “This part of town makes you uneasy.” Aduux had been born and raised in the northern part of the empire. Magic was not well known there. It was even less important. “It is not natural,” he said. What he left unsaid was that he thought magic was dangerous. Kouer shrugged. “There are tales of wizards who once shook the earth and lit up the sky. If they could see all this they would be very disappointed, I think. ‘So it has come to this,’ they would say.” “As pathetic as these things are they will still kill you, and for very little cause,” Aduux replied. That did not concern Kouer. “And no one has ever tried to kill us before.” Aduux turned to her. “Risks and rewards, love. If the reward is great enough the risk is worth it.” A frown creased Kouer’s features. “You do not think Makdan worth this?” Aduux wished she hadn’t put it that way. “I liked Makdan well enough…” “But he was a thief,” Kouer added. Aduux shook his head. “The term thief carries with it a presumption of professional competence. Makdan was just a man who stole things… and lied and cheated, and now that I think of about it, could have bathed more often as well.” Kouer laughed. It was a gentle laugh lacking the cynicism she normally carried about with her. “And who did he harm?” Well, of course he harmed those he had stolen from, but the harm he had done them had been negligible. Makdan had never been ambitious enough to steal anything that truly mattered, until now. And he had never been vicious enough to steal from those weaker than he. In the end, he had cadged trinkets from passing merchants, things little missed and less cared for. And for all that he had ended up dead. Aduux smiled sadly. “Himself, mostly.” “Yes.” Kouer agreed. “And do you truly believe that he is the first man this wizard has killed?” They wouldn’t know for sure until they met him of course, but judging from what they had seen so far… Aduux nodded silently. Kouer took a side wise step and bumped into him gently, like a maiden flirting with a young man. “You are a good man, Aduux, but some times the good has to be dragged from you.” Aduux grinned. “You are the most pious sinner I have ever met.” Kouer thought of the things she had done before she finally slit her owner’s throat. As always, her shoulders hunched, she felt as though she would sob, but she restrained the misery and crushed it back down inside her with an iron fist. “I am not what I was,” she said finally, “that is why I can stand the blood.” Since Aduux had known her Kouer had killed few, and those had been desperately trying to kill her when she slew them. “Was there so much blood?” A brutal shiver ran down Kouer’s spine. Her eyes glistened. “Not so much since I met you.” Aduux laid a hand on her shoulder, and made an offer only a man taken leave of his senses, or in love, would ever make. “We have a little money. We could buy a piece of land somewhere.” That made Kouer laugh. “You behind a plow?” “Actually I was thinking of you behind the plow,” Aduux made her laugh again. He would have tried to make her laugh once more save of the fact they had approached the man and his lizard thing. Across the street from them stood the cauldron. Its lights shown yellow in the gloom. Aduux tossed a coin onto the sleeping man’s lap. The lizard thing hesitated. His ballad died away. “The drunken bastard is supposed to dance.” Aduux turned to the lizard thing. “You’re here most nights?” The lizard paid Aduux no mind. He spoke with Kouer. “Such is my life.” Aduux didn’t blame him. Were their roles reversed he would speak with Kouer as well. Kouer turned towards the cauldron. “You know the clientele?” The lizard thing shrugged. “On busy nights it’s hard to keep up. When it’s not so busy I can.” “Is tonight a busy night?” Kouer asked. The lizard thing’s head swiveled about. It focused a bulging eye on Aduux. Then it turned the eye towards the man holding his leash. Aduux tossed another coin into the sleeping man’s lap. The lizard turned back to Kouer. “Not so busy tonight.” “We’re looking for someone new, not just to the Cauldron, but to the city.” The lizard turned towards Aduux. Aduux dropped another coin. The lizard turned once more to Kouer. “Only one I didn’t recognize tonight. He’s an Easterner.” Kouer frowned. “A desert dweller like me?” The lizard thing shook his head. “Farther East, you will see.” Kouer started towards the tavern. “We thank you.” Aduux joined her. “Why would a wizard travel a thousand leagues to kill a man for useless metal engraved with a useless map?” “You will ask him, of course.” Kouer sounded as if asking would be a silly waste of time. It was. Wizards were dangerous prey, best ambushed and killed silently before they marshaled their forces. Speaking with one before attacking him was a monumental error. All the same Aduux would ask. “The perversities of human nature never fail to fascinate me.” “A lie.” Kouer smiled. “You do not wish to attack the wrong man, that is all.” Aduux did not reply. Kindness and caution were things no warrior worth his salt admitted to hold dear. Kouer’s smile broadened. “Now you are silent. And to think you are so vocal when we discuss other’s foibles.” Aduux drew himself to his full height and smiled ruefully. “Hush woman,” he mocked himself quite expertly. “Your man demands silence.” Kouer chuckled once more and turned towards the Cauldron. Knowing what awaited them there made the laughter seem out of place. The old and familiar fear she felt before each battle troubled her once more. “If nothing else,” she said softly, “you have been entertaining, Aduux.” The Cauldron was small and smoky and dingy. Near its center a bar ran the length of the room. Behind that a door led to the kitchen. A group of strange men sat at the bar. They included every nationality known to the Empire and every size and shape man could take. As different as they were, all of them had one thing in common. They all wore flowing and ornate robes. Some took the effect a step farther and oiled their beards and their hair. A few carried about disobedient, frightened cats and squawking, bad tempered ravens. Most, thankfully, were satisfied with their robes. Kouer stood in the door way at Aduux’s side. “A room more full of pretension I have never seen.” Aduux couldn’t disagree. He knew most of these men, at least in passing. Few of them knew even one spell. Most of the rest knew only enough to cause themselves great harm. Still they came to the Cauldron and smoked their noxious pipes and spoke of dangerous, mysterious things they did not understand. Aduux knew why. Every life, even the most exciting, can’t help but thirst for a bit of glamour, a touch of the exotic that makes it feel special and different. These men, whose lives were tedious, craved the exotic even more, so long as they did not have to work for it, suffer for it, or understand it. Still, on any given night there was likely to be a true adept mixed in with the chaff. That made Aduux wary. Kouer shook her head and asked the obvious. “Why would a man versed in the arcane tolerate this lot?” “Those involved in the arcane are a secretive bunch. The more they surround themselves with artifice the less likely they are to be noticed.” Aduux searched the tavern. There was something Kouer did not understand. She frowned. “If they are secretive why do they tolerate the creature across the street?” “He watches the street for them the same way he watches the tavern for others, and he would never be so foolish as to point out a local wizard.” Aduux’s quarry was not hard to find. He sat at a corner table with his back to the wall. He was used-up looking, short and thin, with dark skin. His eyes were strange, both because of their color and shape. Like the rest he wore robes, but his were inlayed with designs more odd than the rest. An odd, floppy cap hung on one side of his head. The rest of the tavern seemed to regard him uneasily, as if he were an unknown commodity. Aduux started towards him. The bar-keep frowned. Aduux gave the bar-keep a steady gaze and nodded towards the man seated in the corner. The bar-keep sighed. “Gentlemen,” he said to the men seated at the bar, “the ale runs low. I need to step in the back for more. Any who touches my taps will die screaming, understand?” The bar-keep, a big man who sported oddly fascinating tattoos did not seem the sort to mislead. The men at the bar nodded. The bar-keep retreated into the back. More robed figures quietly made their way towards the door. After they had disappeared Aduux strode to the strange man’s table. He seated himself. Kouer lingered near the door. “Is this chair taken?’” Aduux did not wait for answer. He seated himself. The wizard paid him no mind. He stared at Kouer. “She is your woman?” The wizard spoke Aduux’s language fairly well. “If you asked her she would say that I am her man,” Aduux answered truthfully enough. The wizard frowned. He had not expected that. “She is lovely.” Aduux left that be. “You are new to town?” The wizard had expected that. “How can you be sure? It is a large town.” “Every city is a small town at its heart. When the barkeep returns I shall buy you a drink if I have the money.” Aduux reached beneath his cloak. Instead of his coin purse he laid Makdan’s pewter map on the table. “The things one picks up.” He chuckled. “My money is here somewhere.” The wizard’s eyes narrowed. “That is a strange thing.” Aduux nodded. “And procured in a strange way. I pulled it off a dead man. He had been ripped to shreds, imagine that.” “No matter,” the wizard’s voice was nonchalant, but a fine sheen of sweat glistened on his upper lip. “May I see it?” Aduux shrugged. The wizard reached for the amulet. Kouer stepped away from the door. Aduux frowned at her and shook his head. Then he turned back to the wizard. “Well?” The wizard handled the map delicately. “It is made of lead,” he said, “it is a wonder one would die for it.” Aduux nodded. “I thought that myself, but there is another explanation.” The wizard’s jaw tightened, and his forehead wrinkled. He turned to Aduux. “Is there?”Aduux grinned. “The amulet is a map. Unfortunately, it is a map to nothing. I have passed fifteen summers in this city. I know. The treasure the map purports to find does not exist.” The wizard’s face relaxed. His eyes twinkled. “The biggest fools under the sun are treasure seekers.” He tossed the amulet back onto the table casually. “Still, it is an interesting little thing. All travelers should carry mementos of the places they have visited. I will strike you a bargain. Allow me to buy the drink tonight. In payment I will accept this piece of nothing.” “Pardon?’ What Aduux had told the wizard should have crushed him, or, at the very least, elicited an argument, some sort of protest over the treasure’s existence. But the wizard was unmoved. “It is shoddy work on cheap metal. You yourself say that it represents nothing. What do you want with it? Now, enough about the amulet let us drink and forget about it. Call your woman over and let me look at her.” Aduux turned towards Kouer. She sensed his confusion and started over. When she arrived the wizard clapped his hands. “Yes, yes,” he said, “she is a delight.” He waved a hand at the amulet dismissively. “Forget that thing.’ He reached for Kouer’s hair. “This is much better.” Kouer remembered the touch of odious men long past and growled at him. The wizard laughed. “And she has a most ferocious bite.” He turned towards Aduux. “All the best women bloody you before they leave you.” Aduux paid him no mind. Instead he stared at the amulet. The wizard certainly seemed to care nothing for it, and nothing for what was carved upon it. How was that possible? Another wizard-pretender, as transparently useless as the rest, stepped through the door and took his place at the bar. A chill wind whistled through the door and raised goose flesh across Aduux and Kouer, but the taverns’ fire place warmed them away soon enough. The tavern’s fireplace…Aduux smiled and grabbed the amulet. The wizards’ face remained placid but his eyes followed the amulet carefully. Aduux hefted it casually. “You are right,” he said, “This thing is nothing. Let’s be rid of it.” Then he tossed the amulet into the roaring fire. The wizard stood so quickly his chair tumbled to one side. “Fool!” That was the sort of reaction Aduux had expected before, but as satisfying as it was it was still dangerous. The wizard was unhappy now, unhappy with him. Aduux reached for his sword. The wizard swept an arm in Aduux’s direction and something unseen slammed into Aduux’s chest, drove him to the floor and pushed him into the bar. Tables crashed about him, two pretend-wizards collapsed across him. Aduux cursed and wriggled from beneath them. Kouer ripped her dagger free of her belt before Aduux slammed into the bar and drove it towards the wizard’s throat. The wizard raised one hand and the dagger slammed into a wall invisible to the eye, but as solid as stone all the same. The dagger’s tip blunted. Kouer swore. The wizard staggered backwards out of her reach, slipped a hand beneath the folds of his robe, and tossed something to the floor. It landed in a puff of smoke and a thing Kouer did not understand sprouted. In the bat of an eye it grew to its full height. It was nearly as tall as Kouer, broad about the shoulders and covered with scaly tough skin. Its arms and legs were short and strong and its trunk filled with aboriginal sinew. But, like the things that had slain Makdan, it possessed no head, not even a stump of a neck. Instead, a single huge, dangerous mouth grew in the center of its chest. It stepped towards Kouer and growled. Kouer forgot the wizard and turned to face it. It dove towards her with its jaws snapping. Kouer side-stepped and kicked it to the floor. It rolled onto its hands and knees. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Aduux had come to his feet and drawn his sword. She thanked the desert gods for that. Then the monster charged her once more. Again she side-stepped, but this time she drove her dagger into its hide. The dagger bit through flesh, but wedged in its bony ribs. She couldn’t drive the blade into its vitals. The thing roared and hooked a scaly arm about her waist. Then it drove her into a wall. Kouer slammed into the wall so hard her teeth rattled. After that, the creature’s shoulder slammed into her. She groaned… Aduux came to his feet as Kouer bounced off the wall . The wizard had turned his back to Kouer leaving his creation to do its work. Now he leaned forward so that his hands rested on his knees. He was gasping for breath. Aduux had expected that. Every spell a wizard cast, every charm he called upon used him up. Old wizards, who had spent themselves with a lifetime of spells, had been known to dissolve on the wind as they cast their final charm. Aduux didn’t suppose this one would chance more magic. He would hope his creature kept Aduux and Kouer busy while he retrieved his amulet. It was a good plan. The wizard’s monster was strong. It gripped at Kouer’s shoulders with both hands, trying to pull her upon its mouth so that it could tear her apart. Kouer’s dagger was wedged hopelessly in its back. Her hands gripped at its shoulders. She strained to push it away from her. Aduux left the wizard be and started towards Kouer. She cried out, slipped the sole of her boot against its stomach and pushed for all she was worth. The creature’s hold on her finally slipped and it tumbled away . Kouer slumped to one side. The monster rolled to its feet, its back to Aduux. Aduux drove his sword into its spine and buried it to its hilt. The monster staggered forward. Aduux kicked at the back of its knees and drove it to the floor. He pulled his sword free and hacked at its legs until he was sure it could not stand. After that, he turned towards the wizard. The wizard had scraped the amulet from the fire with a poker. He was letting it cool on the floor before he reached for it. He turned towards Aduux and tossed the poker at him. Aduux was unimpressed. The throw was weak. The poker tumbled at him awkwardly. He wiped it aside with his sword. But instead of falling away from him, the poker writhed like a snake. Its handle wrapped about Aduux’s forearm, and its red hot tip pecked at his eyes. Aduux blocked the blow with his free hand. His hand burned; after that his right eye burned worse. Then he was on the floor screaming... Kouer struggled to her feet as Aduux fell. When she saw him she stifled a scream of her own. Desperately, she wished to dash to his side, grab the poker and pull it from him, but she would not be strong enough. Still, there was hope. Many spells did not out live the wizard that cast them. If the wizard died, Aduux would be freed. She turned to the Easterner. The wizard had wrapped a fold of his robe about his hand and grabbed at the amulet. Still, it was hot, and his robe was light. The amulet burned through it and seared his hand. Kouer threw herself at him while he cursed. She slammed into him before he recovered his senses and drove him backwards to the floor. Then she wrapped her arms about his throat. The wizard gasped a quick spell and writhed as his body paid the magic’s cost. A stride away, the shovel that hung near the fire place came to life and leapt at Kouer. Instinctively, Kouer raised an am to cover her head. The shovel slammed into her elbow with a sharp crack. She cursed and the shovel swung again. There was another terrible pain, this time in her wrist. After that, the shovel hammered into her ribs. Kouer gasped. Something in her side gave way. The wizard slipped from beneath her as she fell, and the shovel slammed into her shoulder. Kouer toppled to the floor. The wizard came to his knees and reached for the amulet… Sadly, Aduux had heard himself scream all too often. There had been the time he was knifed in Sylisia, and the time he was caught in a volley of arrows in Thardand, and other occasions he had blocked from his memory. Still, honesty compelled him to admit that he screamed more like woman now than he had before, but, then, this had hurt worse. Gasping he rolled to one side and moved the arm where the poker clung away from his face. The poker, now that his eyes were beyond its reach, burned ugly blisters on his shoulder. Aduux rolled to one knee. He could not see out of his left eye. He thought he might pass out, or, more embarrassing still, throw up. A few feet away the wizard struggled to his feet. He held the amulet gingerly in one hand. Kouer lay nearby struggling with a writhing shovel. Its scoop was hammered her relentlessly. Aduux reached into his belt with clumsy fingers and pulled his axe. He threw it at the wizard…. Kouer rolled flat of her back and grabbed at the shovel’s iron neck with one hand. It struggled madly in her grasp. She knew she could not hold it, not for long, and when it freed itself it would kill her. Already her right arm was useless, and a terrible stitch tightened in her side. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the wizard blowing upon the amulet as if it that would cool it. She tried to roll towards him and kick him, but she knew it would be useless, all he needed do was step away from her and let the shovel do its work. But the wizard did not step away from her. Instead, he howled as if he had been smote by the gods and staggered towards her. Aduux’s axe hung in his back. Kouer kicked at him once more and her boot slammed into his knees. He toppled over and collapsed into the fire place. After that there was a horrible smell that was both acrid and sickly sweet at the same time. The wizard screamed and rolled from the fire. He came to his knees over her, and screamed once more. His face and shoulders were a charred, steaming mess, his robe an inferno. Kouer kicked him once more and he fell back into the fire. After that he was silent. The shovel finally left her be and fell to the floor. Kouer rolled onto her side, stifled a sob and turned back towards Aduux. He was lying face down on the floor. The poker that had tormented him had dropped away from his arm. It shaft darkned by the coals of a thousand fires had stained the floor. Its tip, still hot, glowed yellow-red. Kouer struggled to her knees as the wizard-pretenders emerged from cover. One of them reached for her. She pushed him away and staggered to her feet. When she neared Aduux she heard someone behind her call. “There are diamonds, diamonds in the fireplace.” Aduux opened his eye. His head did not throb as it had, he could think now, and he was not so weak. Still, he was not well. He laid a finger upon the patch that covered his ruined eye. The healer had said he was lucky. Lucky the poker had not penetrated into his brain, lucky its red hot tip had cauterized the wound, lucky he had avoided an infection. Aduux did not feel so lucky. Kouer sighed gently and rolled into him. Her head lay atop his chest. Their blanket had fallen away leaving a portion of her back bare. Her right arm, which had been splinted at the wrist, lay across him. Suddenly Aduux felt luckier. He pulled the blanket over her. She opened her eyes. “You grow stronger,” she whispered. Aduux could not argue that. “My head has cleared. That is certain.” He remembered the tavern and the wizard with a shudder. “Someone mentioned diamonds.” Kouer laughed gently and kissed him on the chest. “Even half-dead he thinks of money.” Aduux slipped an arm about her waist. Her pleasant body had kept him warm after the healer had finished with them. Kept him warm for how long? “How long has it been?” “A few days,” Kouer replied, “You have been in and out of consciousness.” “And you?” Aduux asked. Kouer showed him her arm. “My arm is broken, my ribs little better, but I will heal.” She smiled. “So will you.” Aduux kissed her. “I owe you.” Kouer’s eyes misted over. “You owe me,” she replied sarcastically. “Hunting the wizard was my idea.” It hadn’t been her best idea, but the result had been just. The wizard had needed to die. Aduux was proud to have contributed to his demise. “It is nothing,” he forced himself to say, “Now, tell me of the diamonds.” Kouer sighed. “There were a number of them, and they seemed very fine. I have a theory.” Addax supposed she might. “Which is?” “The wizard had been sent west, probably on a trade mission. He carried the diamonds inside the amulet because he thought they would be inconspicuous.” Aduux agreed with that. “After all, only a fool would bother to steal a map of Kazak’s gold.” Kouer nodded. “Of course, there was such a fool. Later that fool found Makdan.” Aduux thought of Makdan. “As the playwrites say, one fool makes a comedy, two fools a tragedy.” “Makdan bought the amulet from the thief. The wizard found the thief and tortured him until he told him of Makdan.” Kouer laid her cheek on his chest, and nestled the top of her head under his chin. “Makdan held a fortune in his hands before he died. Few men can say that.” Aduux glanced about. They lay in their room on a rough hewn bed. Shutters closed the window and barred the wind, but through their cracks Aduux saw the streets outside. They were dark and cold. Their room was as bare as ever. “We do not seem wealthy,” he said. Kouer chuckled. “There was no time to gather diamonds, Aduux. I was injured. I thought you were dying. We had to find a healer. At the close of it all we have what we had before…one another.” Aduux slipped his arm beneath the covers and rested his hand on Kouer’s back. Her skin was warm and soft. Her hair, lying against his face, was softer still. He smiled. “It is enough,” he whispered. check out Pitch Black Book's Lords of Swords anthology |
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