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The Franchise Collection DVD
DVD Features
Released by Universal Studios (2004)
R1 (region 1 - U.S. and Canada only)
One two-sided single-layer DVD disc
Total running time of the disc: 223 minutes
Disc Side 1: CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982)
Directed by John Milius
Written by Robert E. Howard (stories)
John Milius and Oliver Stone (screenplay)
Produced by Raffaella De Laurentiis
Music by Basil Poledouris
Cinematography by Duke Callaghan
Special Effects led by Supervisor Nick Allder
Cast
Arnold Schwarzenegger (Conan)
James Earl Jones (Thulsa Doom)
Max von Sydow (King Osric)
Sandahl Bergman (Valeria)
Ben Davidson (Rexor)
Gerry Lopez (Subotai)
Mako (The Wizard/Narrator)
Features
Dolby Digital 2.0 - Mono - English
Featurette; "Conan Unchained: The Making of Conan"
Commentary with director John Milius and Arnold Schwarzenegger
Deleted Scenes
Special Effects
Theatrical Trailers
Text/Photo Galleries
MPAA Rating: R
Disc Side 2: CONAN THE DESTROYER (1984)
Directed by Richard Fleischer
Written by Robert E. Howard (stories)
Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway (story)
Stanley Mann (screenplay)
Produced by Raffaella De Laurentiis
Music by Basil Poledouris
Cinematography by Jack Cardiff
Special Effects led by Supervisor John K. Stirber
Cast
Arnold Schwarzenegger (Conan)
Grace Jones (Zula)
Wilt Chamberlain (Bombaata)
Tracey Walter (Malak)
Sarah Douglas (Queen Taramis)
Olivia d'Abo (Princess Jehnna)
Mako (Akiro The Wizard)
André the Giant (Dagoth, the living statue (uncredited))
Features
Dolby Digital 2.0 - Mono - English
Dolby Digital 2.0 - Mono - French
Theatrical Trailer
MPAA Rating: PG
Reviewed by C. Demetrius Morgan
It is a time between epochs in "an Age undreamed of" that exists somewhen between the time of Atlantis' drowning and the years "of the rise of the Sons of Aryas" when "shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars."
It is a gloomily weird and magically wonderful era when places with names
like Nemedia, Ophir, Shadizar, Brythunia, Zamora,
Zingara,
Aquilonia, and Hyperborea were at their heights. More, here resides Conan, the Cimmerian, a mighty barbarian, yet a player upon the stage of life. A stage where his story is played out in diabolical spectacle.
Fans of epic Hollywood fantasy should get a kick out of these, and not just because they star current California Governor, and former Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger as the titular sword-and-sorcery hero--though that is one of the better reasons to see these movies if you've not yet had the chance. However, nitpickers beware! There is ample to complain about as the stories portrayed in these films are not quite Robert E. Howard’s Conan, nor are they the Conan of the comic books or later novels.
Summary
Disc Side 1: CONAN THE BARBARIAN
As with most movies based on established literary characters this is an adaptation. Some have said not a very good one, but I say it's an adaptation that is surprisingly well done. First, the movie remains internally consistent from beginning to end; something many movies fail to properly achieve. Second, our titular hero is a dark and gritty adventurer of the type one could easily find within the pages of Savage Sword of Conan or Conan Saga.
The movie opens with a narrator providing an overview and retrospective of Conan’s life. It is a tale framing the central over-arcing plot,
encapsulated by an off screen narrator providing a synopsis of the harsh life Conan has led. This narrative overview more or less ends when Conan is finally freed.
Left to his own devices he, in archetypal adventurer fashion, goes a-wandering. It is during this time Conan finds a companion/sidekick. But only after freeing him from the chains of bondage.
Which in turn leads to Conan finding a new companion/lover in Valeria,
gaining a chronicler in the form of a Hermit-Wizard played by Mako (Pearl Harbor, Crying Freeman, Highlander 3),
Or does he?
Disc Side 2: CONAN THE DESTROYER
Sequels are too often made solely to cash in on the popularity of a blockbuster. Conan the Barbarian's box office was hardly that but it was hyped, much anticipated, and it did do much better than many other Marvel properties at the time. As far as sequels go, Conan the Destroyer is an oddity, especially considering the first movie didn't really offer a good set-up for a sequel. Worse, Destroyer is rated PG. That alone marks it as an obvious shift away from the gritty, mature story of the first movie into the realm of pandering to the barely-out-of-diapers youth market. While this is something that too often befalls genre films, it's even worse in the case of Conan. So what's the deal?
The story of this film, co-starring Jamaican-born model and singer Grace Jones (View to a Kill, Vamp), Olivia d'Abo (Point of No Return, Wayne’s World 2, Live Nude Girls), NBA basketball player Wilt Chamberlain, and Mako, reprising his role as Akiro the Wizard, is silly and unimportant. As happens to most fantasy and television series when they get turned into franchises and depart from their source material, the story doesn't matter. It's typical eighties aimed at the youth market drek. In other words it's the sort of silly vacuous nonsense that makes Gor and Deathstalker look good.
However, despite the odious "dumbing down" to pander to teens and young adults, Destroyer has its moments. Alas, those moments are not all good. For instance, Conan didn’t even attempt to make his saving throw vs. Evil Witch-Queen Enchantress. To say the pretext of the story is forced and not entirely believable is like saying Conquest was based on Shakespeare.
Let’s face it, adults can be unreasonably demanding. We expect quality stories, logical plots, originality, and above all else to be entertained without being talked down to while at the same time wanting something fun and vacuous that is both meaningful yet doesn't take itself seriously. A tall order to be sure. Whether this movie meets those expectations will largely depend on how forgiving the audience is. That said I learned the following from this movie:
1. Conan is the “King of Thieves”.
2. It’s possible to make a movie using almost nothing else but clichéd dialog and stock catch phrases.
3. Heroes should never choose the lone ruin by the lake with mysterious mist enshrouded crystal palace as a campsite.
4. PG-rated sequels to R-rated feature films leave much to be desired.
Assessment
My reaction when I initially sat down to watch this was, “Wow, I totally forgot about the spewing fountains of blood and orgy scene in Conan the Barbarian!” Not that the costumes and sets aren‘t amazing. They are. There's also cannibalism, mild gore, nudity, and an orgy scene. And did I mention the spewing fountains of blood?
Too, something else that really sticks out about these movies are the interaction of the cast and the use of picturesque establishing shots of picture postcard landscapes. That's something most low budget sword-and-sorcery movies lack. This shows that Conan films not only took the time to find colorful locations but they had adept cinematographers working on them as well. Sure Conan the Destroyer has a few scenes that were obviously matting effects, and not very good ones, but for an eighties movie, that can be forgiven.
However, what can not be forgiven is that the sequel is a watered down campy children's comic strip version of Conan. Even if you haven't read the novels and were exposed to Conan purely through the comics this movie will grate on you. It's still fun to watch, but even by the comic book versions this Conan is tame and innocent.
As for the DVD presentation itself, the picture quality of both movies is clear and crisp. Conan the Destroyer is about as campy as you can get without being offensive, though I wouldn't have minded the producers trying to push that envelope a little. But I suppose it could be worse, they could have turned Conan into a politically correct Nancy boy parody of his gruff irascible self.
While the Conan the Barbarian side of the DVD has a lot of extras, more than enough to make up for the lack of extras on the Destroyer disc, I would have liked to have seen something, if not a commentary then at least a "making of" featurette made for the sequel. And while we're on the subject of complaints, I have two gripes with this DVD set. First, the packaging. For all that it looks nice, it also looks cheaply manufactured. It's just a bit of clear plastic to hold the DVD hot-glued onto a cardboard stock folio and doesn't fit on most shelves designed to store DVDs. Second, this is two movies on a two-sided disc. I dislike two-sided discs in general because if something happens to the disc, you lose both movies. However for the price, assuming you can still find it, it's tolerable. In fact it's more than tolerable, but then what are rules for if not breaking?
Final Thoughts
I liked the movies and this DVD. Sure, I'd have preferred deluxe editions of each movie, packaged separately, on DVDs chock-full of extras piled on top of extras, with a few more extras added on a second disc containing a baker's dozen of trailers related to the genre. But until those editions appear, this will more than suffice. The price didn't hurt either. I found the DVD for $14.99 (and it may be even cheaper now) at my local brick-and-mortar Best Buy. Now that’s about half the cost of buying the individual DVDs to get both movies. A plus in anyone‘s checkbook.
Mr. Morgan is a writer of reviews, poems, and the occasional short story. Versions of this review have previously appeared at RPGnet (RPG.net) and Hinterwelt (hinterwelt.com).
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